Just Drive
by parisindy
Summary: Sam finally gets Dean to confess to whats bugging him


TITLE: Just Drive A Supernatural Fanfic

AUTHOR: Parisindy

RATING: PG 13 – R for the boy's potty mouth.

DISCLAIMER: No money was received or exchanged.  
I do not own Supernatural or any of its Characters.  
This is purely for fun.

SUMMARY: Sam tries to figure out what makes Dean tick.

NOTES: This is my first Supernatural Fic, so please excuse any inaccuracies as I have not seen all the episodes. Thanks to ElJay for being my Beta reader, and Nureek this one's for you babes.

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**Just Drive**

It's futile to gaze at the world through a car window

**- **Albert Einstein

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It was late… or early, depending on how you looked at it.

Sam half lay and sat in the passenger's seat watching the road with lidded eyes. A half finished bag of chips crunched under his foot when he shifted.

"You better be cleaning that up later."

"Huh, what?" Sam shifted in his seat trying to shake off his grogginess.

"Dude, if those chips stain my floor mats you're buying me new ones."

Dean was serious and Sam smirked at his brother's anal tendencies. "Don't worry I put them in bag from the store, its fine."

"Why didn't you just eat them?"

Sam shrugged. He hadn't really wanted them, he was sick of convenience store food. Dean was in one of his moods and Sam new better then to question it. Every so often Dean had the need to just drive. Usually they just went from one hunt to another, but every once in a while something seemed to get stuck in Dean's craw and then it was like his own personal demon was chasing him. It was the most Sam could do to get him stop for gas and food when they needed it.

Dean would drive directionless until exhaustion caught up to him… usually 2-3 sleepless days later. Then Sam would have to literally shove him in to the passengers seat until he could find them a motel.

It was then that Sam yearned for Jessica and his college apartment the most. Dean and his Dad just couldn't understand why college was so important to him. Even Sam had trouble answering that question, but in the end maybe it was because he was just so damned tired of watching his family try to self-destruct, like now for instance. When Dean got in these moods, Sam knew his brother was right on the edge of doing something drastic, but Sam didn't think that even his brother knew what that 'something' was. When Dean did finally figure it out, he wasn't sure he would be able to stop it.

Dean was the strong one, stronger than their father, though Dean would never be able to see that. Stronger then Sam, for sure…and that's why these moods really worried him. It was like Dean was crumbling right before his eyes, and Sam needed to look away. So when they drove, they barely spoke. Both of them wrapped up in their own thoughts, both fighting the demons that haunted their dreams.

They had been driving for two days now; it wouldn't be long now till Dean burnt himself out. Another day … maybe two at the most. Sam groaned sleepily trying to stretch out his long legs in the car's cramped interior.

"Sammy?"

"Yeah?" the younger man looked at his brother in surprise. He thought the chip comment would have been it for another couple of hours.

"You ever think about mom?"

Dean studied his brother for a moment. He really wasn't one to dredge this stuff up; getting Dean to talk about anything important was near impossible. Sam replied carefully, not knowing where this was going, "Sometimes, not really, I don't know." It was a half assed answer and he knew it. "I mean I was just a baby I never knew her, but sometimes I wonder how things would have been if she were around, you know? I always feel weird around mother's day and stuff. Most of what I know is what Dad says about her and that picture in his wallet."

Dean nodded.

The silence grew again but the question nagged at Sam's consciousness. "Do you remember mom?"

The older Winchester looked startled. "Yeah, of course!" he snapped, and then scowled, seemingly at war with himself. His voice was quieter when he spoke and again, Sam studied his face as it glowed in the moonlight and the flashes of other cars passing on the highway. "I-I don't remember much. Just sort of feelings and sounds, its kind of blurry, I can't really remember her face even."

"Dean, you were four…" Sam tried to console, but comfort wasn't what Dean wanted.

"I remember being mad. I remember I told her I hated you." Dean gave a small grin.

Sam snorted.

Dean grew serious again. "Then after she left, I hated both you and her. She died to save you and I felt cheated. But I mean that was before I knew better." Dean waved his hand trying to dismiss the uncharacteristic emotions.

Sam sat up a little straighter in his seat. "Dean, she didn't leave you; she was murdered."

"I know! Freaking hell, I was a kid; I didn't say it was rational. Things are different now."

Sam was getting worried now, as his brother stepped on the gas causing them to drive well over the speed limit. "You're tired, we should find a motel."

The older man grunted at him dismissively, he wasn't ready to stop yet.

If Dean wasn't ready to pull over then Sam was going to get to the bottom of what was making his brother so pissy. He wasn't ready to pull a _Thelma and Louise_ no matter how many times Dean called him a bitch. "What the Hell's up with you?"

"What? Nothing!"

"Dean, you're starting to freak me out here. Slow he fuck down."

The older man's eyes flicked to the speedometer and eased his foot off the pedal a bit. "Pussy," He snarked at his younger brother with out much conviction.

Sam ignored the comment, and pressed his brother for more information. "So, you thought mom abandoned us?"

"Sam, it's stupid…"

"Do you still feel that way?"

"Sometimes; I don't know… it's just that… Dad hasn't called for a while, but the last six times he did he has he asked for you."

"You're upset because dad calls me, you're jealous? What are you five?"

Dean didn't reply right away, just studied the road. "As soon as we find that freaking Demon, you're going back to college, and now Dad's never around…."

Sam was getting riled himself, now. "Why don't you just say something to him? You practically worship him and he treats you like crap. I wish you would get pissed off at him just once. Dean, he deserves it. I didn't ask for any of this remember."

"I can't get mad at him…" It was nearly a whisper.

Sam's bluster was gone in an instant. "What? Why?"

"I was nine I think… anyways, we were in some abandoned house up in Maryland. Some gnarly werewolves, easy kills, so dad dragged us along. I shoved you in a closet, to keep you out of the way. You remember that? You were always shit with werewolves."

"Bite me," Sam replied easily.

Dean laughed icily, "They nearly did. Before we got them all, one of them hit me across the shoulder with a two-by four. Broke my arm in two places."

"What's your point?"

"Dad lost it. Killed them all before I could blink. Then he yelled at me cause I had been careless."

"The bastard! And you wonder why I left?"

Hurt flicked across the older Winchester's face. "He was right though I should have been more careful. We could have been killed 'cause of me. But at the time I didn't see it, I was hurt and I yelled at him. He didn't say anything, didn't reply… you know how he is sometimes. He took us to some hotel, wrapped my arm. When we woke up the next morning he was gone. He didn't come back for over a week."

"Hell, I don't remember that!"

Dean shrugged, "Like you said before, you were just a kid. It's okay; I took care of things."

Sam stared at him in disbelief. "You think getting mad at him makes him leave?"

"When you guys had that fight and you went away to college, he left too… I only found him a couple of months before I tracked you down."

"I was in my third year… you were alone for nearly three years! I just assumed…" Sam's heart was falling into his stomach… when he left, it was to get away from Dad and the _family business_. Dean had always worshiped their father, and Sam just needed to leave it all behind. He had never once considered what affect his leaving would have on his older brother. Dean just always seemed to roll with the punches.

"Its okay Sammy, you didn't know. You needed to get away. It truly and royally pissed me off though. But, you're here now. I just wish…"

"You wish what?" Sam's voice cracked with emotion.

"Ah, forget it; it's just crap…Sometimes I just need to drive, put crap behind me, you know?"

Sam nodded numbly. He knew then his brother's unspoken wish and it was a big one. Dean didn't want to be alone anymore. Everyone he had ever cared for had left Dean behind, so instead of being left behind, he drove. He left them before they could leave him. Sam's thoughts whirled around his head. "Maybe I can take correspondence courses or something."

Dean sputtered with laughter and Sam smiled back relieved.

They sat in comfortable silence for a moment before Sam started again… "Dude, I can't promise…"

"I know," replied Dean quickly, once again focusing on the road. "I'm always on speed dial though, right?"

"Always…"

Dean yawned loudly and blinked at the highway.

Sam smirked at him. "Getting tired? Need me to drive?"

Dean slowed the car and started to pull over to the shoulder, "Yeah maybe."

As they got out of the car to switch places Sam couldn't help one last jibe. "You're getting soft in your old age you know."

Dean threw the keys at Sam's head. "Just drive, asshole." Dean paused to point his finger at his younger brother, "And if you start singing that damned Willie Nelson song again I'll shoot you myself."

Sam laughed as he climbed in to the drivers seat and snapped on his seat belt. Sam waited until his brother got settled in to the passenger's seat before he started humming…loudly.

"Dude!" Dean's yell of outrage echoed through the cool night air.

Sam broke off laughing as his brother lunged for the gun in the back seat. Wisely he started the engine, popped her into drive and stepped on the gas, kicking up gravel as they took off.

The Winchester brothers were _on the road again_.

The End.


End file.
